Hear my prayer, O God; do not hide yourself from my petition. Listen to me and answer me. I have no peace, because of my cares. I am shaken by the noise of the enemy and by the pressure of the wicked. Psalm 55:1-3

I have not abandoned my reflections. I just have not had time to write and record.

Yesterday I was very disturbed. I did not like what I saw happening around me. I was distressed. It was not only about the things that were happening, but the fact that I took it so seriously that my head hurt, and I had to offload to anyone who would listen. I found I was comparing myself with others. I was righteously indignant that if I knew they should know too. I even cursed myself at the end of the day that maybe I was being arrogant and subconsciously beating my chest that I remembered, and others did not. This could be true, but that was not the major player in my thoughts. This distress is of my own making.

I fret for my Church. My distress and frustration yesterday I realize came from that. Psalm 55 spoke directly to me about how I felt. My enemy is a flawed system that seem ready to swallow me up. I need saving. My church needs saving. My friends and family need saving. The passage says “I have no peace, because of my cares”. I realize I care too much. I am too much. I invest too much emotionally. While not a perfectionist, and I am certainly not regimented, I do like to see order prevail. I believe in participating in the common good. Why do I choose to take on things? I care too much.

The writer of Psalm 55 is distraught and overwhelmed. There is chaos and evil within the land. They say in verses 7 and 8 that if it was possible they would fly away like a bird. The writer asks God to change those who are against him or her. But I do believe the writer and I are in the same boat here. It is we who are anxious. It is we who require a change of heart and attitude. We must first deal with the chaos and I dare say the evil inside us. This change will assist us in showing and pointing others and ourselves in ways that are helpful. We need to put aside the anxiety to be able to see clearly and objectively.
There is a saying You can’t see the forest for the trees! We are unable sometimes to see situations as they really are. We lose our perspective because we care too much. We are too heavily invested. This where I think I am. Is it a bad thing? I am not certain. I do know that everything has a shadow side. Our best character trait can also open flaws in our personality. The thing is the consensus and oneness that I should be feeling is not there. The bonds that should exist are only surface deep. As the psalmist says in verse 22, of the would be enemy, “His speech is softer than butter, but war is in his heart”. It is this is the other thing that bothers me. We get so caught up in saying what others want to hear, we deceive ourselves about what really is. We also fool ourselves about what should be, as we only see it from our perspective. We cease to question and reflect. We cease to listen.

Our task is to lean on God. We need to trust God and the process as ultimately it is God who is in charge and who guides. When we are uncertain or frustrated, we can appeal to God to hear us. We can dump all our cares, and our fears on God. One thing of which we are certain is that God will see us through. God will see us through our indignant sef righteousness, our arrogance until we come to a place of humility and rest. God gives us the strength, the power and wisdom to be our best self.

We pray as Reinhold Niebuhr is said to have prayed.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen.